Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.
I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.
Reality continues to ruin my life.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Give a man a fire and he’s warm for a day, but set fire to him and he’s warm for the rest of his life.
Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don’t always like.
Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.
A good friend will always stab you in the front.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
You will always be fond of me. I represent to you all the sins you never had the courage to commit.
Life is pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.
I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
Life is a disease: sexually transmitted, and invariably fatal.
Experience is merely the name men gave to their mistakes.