It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it’s called Life.
The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be.
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they’ll kill you.
People, generally, suck.
It is forbidden to kill; therefore all murderers are punished unless they kill in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets.
No good deed goes unpunished.
Write what you know. That should leave you with a lot of free time.
A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory.
Let’s think the unthinkable, let’s do the undoable. Let us prepare to grapple with the ineffable itself, and see if we may not eff it after all.
A bore is someone who deprives you of solitude without providing you with company.
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
What fresh hell is this?
This wallpaper is dreadful, one of us will have to go.
Without music to decorate it, time is just a bunch of boring production deadlines or dates by which bills must be paid.
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.
Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they aren’t after you.
Some of the worst mistakes in my life were haircuts.
People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.