Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
Tell people there’s an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
It could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others.
Once you have a PhD, every meeting you go to becomes a doctor’s appointment.
Developers have the attention spans of slightly moronic woodland creatures.
You can’t fix stupid.
Don’t take life too seriously.
The three most harmful addictions are heroin, carbohydrates, and a monthly salary.
Quotes are for dumb people who can’t think of something intelligent to say on their own.
I’m just here so I won’t get fined.
Free your mind and your ass will follow.
Creativity is great-but not in accounting.
Multi-tasking is merely the opportunity to screw up more than one thing at a time.
I’m a project manager, not a magician. Magicians have way cooler hats.
The best things in life are free – and $19.95.