I came here to chew bubble gum and kick ass. And I’m all out of bubble gum.
Guess what? I have flaws. What are they? Oh I donno, I sing in the shower? Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me – no, don’t sue me. That is opposite the point I’m trying to make.
I’m not anti-social. I’m just not social.
If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse.
I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.
Life’s hard, then you die.
Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly.
I’m no model lady. A model’s just an imitation of the real thing.
I speak two languages, Body and English.
Those who are easily shocked should be shocked more often.
When I’m good, I’m very good. But when I’m bad I’m better.
I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it.
I’m single because I was born that way.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
43.7 per cent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
The one unforgivable sin is to be boring.