Sarcastic people tend to be marshmallows underneath the armor.
Too many people spend money they haven’t earned to buy things they don’t want to impress people they don’t like.
Make crime pay. Become a lawyer.
I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
I came here to chew bubble gum and kick ass. And I’m all out of bubble gum.
Guess what? I have flaws. What are they? Oh I donno, I sing in the shower? Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me – no, don’t sue me. That is opposite the point I’m trying to make.
I’m not anti-social. I’m just not social.
If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse.
I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.
Life’s hard, then you die.
Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly.
I’m no model lady. A model’s just an imitation of the real thing.
I speak two languages, Body and English.
Those who are easily shocked should be shocked more often.
When I’m good, I’m very good. But when I’m bad I’m better.
I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it.
I’m single because I was born that way.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
43.7 per cent of all statistics are made up on the spot.