A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
They say all marriages are made in heaven, but so are thunder and lightning.
Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn’t mean the circus has left town.
Second place is a nice title for the first loser.
Suit up!
Motivation alone is not enough. If you have an idiot and you motivate him, now you have a motivated idiot.
Wall Street is the only place that people drive to in a Rolls Royce to take advice from people who ride the subway.
Without numerical fluency, in the part of life most of us inhabit, you are like a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest.
The dinosaurs became extinct because they didn’t have a space program.
Christmas is the time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell government what they want and their kids pay for it.
Nothing is so permanent as a temporary government program.
Today is Valentine’s Day – or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!
How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.
I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can’t sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can’t sleep with the window open.
That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.