Don’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
I don’t know why we are here, but I’m pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
You bought a Ferrari but you drive it like a Fiat.
If I had known what it would be like to have it all – I might have been willing to settle for less.
Of course I don’t look busy, I did it right the first time.
It takes a long time to become a lawyer because you need three things – a bachelor’s degree, a law degree, and a desire to worship Satan.
I will always love the false image I had of you.
Don’t do your best, do my best.
If I’m not back in 5 minutes, just wait longer.
Books are as useful to a stupid person as a mirror is useful to a blind person.
Multi-tasking is the ability to screw everything up simultaneously.
They say Rome wasn’t built in a day, but I wasn’t on that particular job.
I don’t need an Iron Man suit. I’m already a weapon of mass seduction.
To the people I forgot, you weren’t on my mind for some reason and you probably don’t deserve any thanks anyway.
Just because you’re offended, doesn’t mean you’re right.
Be happy. It really annoys negative people.
Do I really look like a guy with a plan?
Aspire to be the man you pretend to be when you’re trying to get laid.
The difference between screwing around and science is writing it down.
If Microsoft ever does applications for Linux it means I’ve won.