Tell people there’s an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
Of course I don’t look busy, I did it right the first time.
It takes a long time to become a lawyer because you need three things – a bachelor’s degree, a law degree, and a desire to worship Satan.
I will always love the false image I had of you.
Don’t do your best, do my best.
If I’m not back in 5 minutes, just wait longer.
Books are as useful to a stupid person as a mirror is useful to a blind person.
Multi-tasking is the ability to screw everything up simultaneously.
They say Rome wasn’t built in a day, but I wasn’t on that particular job.
I don’t need an Iron Man suit. I’m already a weapon of mass seduction.
To the people I forgot, you weren’t on my mind for some reason and you probably don’t deserve any thanks anyway.
Just because you’re offended, doesn’t mean you’re right.
Be happy. It really annoys negative people.
Do I really look like a guy with a plan?
Aspire to be the man you pretend to be when you’re trying to get laid.
The difference between screwing around and science is writing it down.
If Microsoft ever does applications for Linux it means I’ve won.
Developers have the attention spans of slightly moronic woodland creatures.
You can’t fix stupid.