Nothing travels faster than the speed of light, with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Let’s think the unthinkable, let’s do the undoable. Let us prepare to grapple with the ineffable itself, and see if we may not eff it after all.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
I do this real moron thing, and it’s called thinking. And apparently I’m not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
Don’t interrupt me while I’m interrupting.
A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.
So long, and thanks for all the fish.
Let’s carpe the hell out of this diem.
Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem.
Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent.
If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards.
People who say they don’t care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don’t care what people think.
I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.