If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
If the world were perfect, it wouldn't be.
A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.
Just say yes and you’ll figure it out afterwards.
If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.’
Once you have a PhD, every meeting you go to becomes a doctor’s appointment.
Every time I see some piece of medical research saying that caffeine is good for you, I high-five myself. Because I’m going to live forever.
You’re never too old for anything!
Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break.
When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
We’re born naked, and the rest is drag.
Laughter is the best medicine, y’know, besides medicine.
It takes 65 muscles to frown and 13 to make a smile. Why work overtime?
The Internet is the world’s largest library. It’s just that all the books are on the floor.
Too hot to handle, too cold to hold!
Work without fun is like peanut butter without jelly.
I’ve always wanted to be a giant space crab.
No matter how slow you go, you are still lapping everybody on the couch.
The fact that there’s a Highway to Hell and only a Stairway to Heaven says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers. –.