Time travel, by its very nature, was invented in all periods of history simultaneously.
The difference between us and a computer is that, the computer is blindingly stupid, but it is capable of being stupid many, many million times a second.
Democracy is all about not electing the wrong man-eating lizard.
For a moment he felt good about this. A moment or two later he felt bad about feeling good about it. Then he felt good about feeling bad about feeling good about it and satisfied, drove on into the night.
Anything invented after you’re thirty-five is against the natural order of things.
Capital Letters Were Always The Best Way Of Dealing With Things You Didn’t Have A Good Answer To.
Who is this god person anyway?
How do you know you’re having fun if there’s no one watching you have it?
Coffee is a way of stealing time that should by rights belong to your older self.
The pen is mightier than the sword if the sword is very short, and the pen is very sharp.
Thinking. This book contains some. Whether you try it at home is up to you.
The universe clearly operates for the benefit of humanity. This can be readily seen from the convenient way the sun comes up in the morning, when people are ready to start the day.
Truth! Freedom! Justice! And a hard-boiled egg!
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn’t. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn’t be. And what it wouldn’t be, it would. You see?
That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can’t say ‘No’ in any of them.
Don’t ask God to cure cancer and world poverty. He’s too busy finding you a parking space and fixing the weather for your barbecue.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
I thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life but it turns out today is.
First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.