I don’t have a fear of heights. I do, however, have a fear of falling from heights.
My first rule: I don’t believe anything the government tells me.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
I see myself as an intelligent, sensitive human, with the soul of a clown which forces me to blow it at the most important moments.
The highway of life is filled with flat squirrels that couldn’t make a decision.
March 4th, the only day that is also a sentence.
I only go out to get me a fresh appetite for being alone.
To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence.
Frazier’s got two chances. Slim, and none. And Slim just left town.
For your own safety, do not ever tell an astrophysicist, I hope all your stars are twinkling.
Progress isn’t made by early risers. It’s made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something.
I’m sorry, if you were right, I’d agree with you.
Confidence is 10 percent hard work and 90 percent delusion.
Do your thing and don’t care if they like it.
I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: ‘O Lord make my enemies ridiculous.’ And God granted it.
There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.
The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.
If you don’t like the weather in Oklahoma, wait a minute and it’ll change.
If you ask me anything I don’t know, I’m not going to answer.
Motivation is like taking a bath; if you stop doing it, you begin to stink!