The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
Sometimes you gotta work a little, so you can ball a lot.
Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
Hope for the Best. Expect the worst. Life is a play. We’re unrehearsed.
You can change your wife, your politics, your religion, but never, never can you change your favourite football team.
Is it true that if you don’t USE it you LOSE it?
Sometimes I stagger even myself with my genius.
I hate all those weathermen, too, who tell you that rain is bad weather. There’s no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing, so get yourself a sexy raincoat and live a little.
Don’t die until you’re dead.
My hobby is my job. It’s a jobby!
I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.
As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind – every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.
I’m willing to admit that I may not always be right, but I am never wrong.
Football is a simple game. Twenty-two men chase a ball for 90 minutes and at the end, the Germans always win.
You can’t go to Windows Update and get a patch for stupidity.
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Don’t teach a man to fish and you feed yourself. He’s a grown man, fishing’s not that hard.
I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.
I’ve learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
People say women shouldn’t have long hair over a certain age, but I’ve never done what everyone says.
People say it’s lonely at the top, but I sure like the view.