Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn’t brood. I’d type a little faster.
Write what you know. That should leave you with a lot of free time.
If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
Why join the navy if you can be a pirate?
Suit up!
Comedy is acting out optimism.
The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.
Life is too short to learn German.
Sweat is just fat crying.
Some of the world’s greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were impossible.
You grow up the day you have the first real laugh at yourself.
And will you succeed? Yes indeed, yes indeed! Ninety-eight and three-quarters percent guaranteed!
Procrastination is not the problem. It is the solution. Procrastinate now, don’t put it off.
No one has ever drowned in sweat.
If you want milk, don’t sit on a stool in the middle of a field in the hope that a cow will back up to you.
Guess what? I have flaws. What are they? Oh I donno, I sing in the shower? Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me – no, don’t sue me. That is opposite the point I’m trying to make.
Flattery will get you everywhere.