Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
With great power... comes great need to take a nap. Wake me up later.
People aren’t either wicked or noble. They’re like chef’s salads, with good things and bad things chopped and mixed together in a vinaigrette of confusion and conflict.
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.
If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
Tell people there’s an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
The successful man is the one who finds out what is the matter with his business before his competitors do.
For peace of mind, we need to resign as general manager of the universe.
Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
What the world really needs is more love and less paper work.
If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster.
Step with care and great tact. And remember life’s a great balancing act.
Life has become immeasurably better since I have been forced to stop taking it seriously.
I have spent most of my life worrying about things that have never happened.
A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.
Life would be tragic if it weren’t funny.
In most cases being a good boss means hiring talented people and then getting out of their way.
Just say yes and you’ll figure it out afterwards.