The difference between school and life? In school, you’re taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you’re given a test that teaches you a lesson.
Youth is wasted on the young.
Wrinkles will only go where the smiles have been.
If the world were perfect, it wouldn't be.
Never ask a barber if you need a haircut.
You only go around once, but if you play your cards right, once is enough.
I’ve learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
A computer is like air conditioning – it becomes useless when you open Windows.
Backups are for wimps. Real men upload their data to an FTP site and have everyone else mirror it.
When you say ‘I wrote a program that crashed Windows,’ people just stare at you blankly and say ‘Hey, I got those with the system, for free.’
Every time I see some piece of medical research saying that caffeine is good for you, I high-five myself. Because I’m going to live forever.
I want my office to be quiet. The loudest thing in the room – by far – should be the occasional purring of the cat.
I have an ego the size of a small planet.
Nobody actually creates perfect code the first time around, except me. But there’s only one of me.
My philosophy is: If you can’t have fun, there’s no sense in doing it.
You can’t fix stupid.
Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break.
What you see is what you get.
If your ship doesn’t come in, swim out to it.
Laziness is a programmer’s main virtue.