The pen is mightier than the sword if the sword is very short, and the pen is very sharp.
Insanity is catching.
Things just happen. What the hell.
The universe clearly operates for the benefit of humanity. This can be readily seen from the convenient way the sun comes up in the morning, when people are ready to start the day.
Everyone should occasionally break the law in some small and delightful way. It’s good for the hygiene of the brain.
Of course I’m sane, when trees start talking to me, I don’t talk back.
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
Make love, not war. Unless you’re Loki, in which case: do what you want.
I thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life but it turns out today is.
Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.
Never, ever underestimate the importance of having fun.
I don’t believe in astrology; I’m a Sagittarius and we’re skeptical.
Be yourself. No one can say you’re doing it wrong.
Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.
My mind reels with sarcastic replies.
I look to the future because that’s where I’m going to spend the rest of my life.
You can’t help getting older, but you don’t have to get old.
People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.