It’s like deja-vu, all over again.
That’s too coincidental to be a coincidence.
I came here to chew bubble gum and kick ass. And I’m all out of bubble gum.
Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked. But it’s not like a compulsive need to be liked. Like my need to be praised.
Do I want to be feared or loved? That’s a good question. I want both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.
I love inside jokes. I hope to be a part of one some day.
Guess what? I have flaws. What are they? Oh I donno, I sing in the shower? Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me – no, don’t sue me. That is opposite the point I’m trying to make.
Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t know where it’s going. I just hope to find it somewhere along the way. Like an improv conversation. An improversation.
Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem.
If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse.
The study of economy usually shows us that the best time for purchase was last year.
I’ll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure.
When I’m good, I’m very good. But when I’m bad I’m better.
I’m single because I was born that way.
Flattery will get you everywhere.
When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
43.7 per cent of all statistics are made up on the spot.